Why there was no epic baby announcement…

Kristy: Many of you know my personality…when it comes to exciting times in life I’m all about making a big deal about it! I thrive on holiday crafts, with my son and his friends, I live for the time of year when I can start planning my son’s birthday party. I’ve even been known to get fun and creative with gifts; My husband and I have been married for years and one year for Valentine’s I knew he wanted a particular knife but who gets a knife for their husband on Valentine’s Day? Me. Yep, I do. But only when you can add a cute tag and ribbon that says “Valentine- I think you’re sharp!” I’m all about the “cuteness.”

Derek: Cuteness… corniness… what’s the difference?

Kristy: As some of you have probably seen my belly has been getting bigger. You may have noticed pictures and thought hmmm… I’ll be honest, I dreamed of the day that I could make this epic facebook baby announcement. Something not quite as corny as “Ice, Ice Baby” or a reference to a bun in the oven but something very creative and silly. With my son this crazy baby announcement wasn’t a trend yet so I missed out on that fun.

So why no baby announcement? The reason being…loss and fear of loss. This is the hardest blog post I’ve ever written but an important one I feel. I wish I could be just purely excited and make some grandiose gesture of my little superhero getting a sidekick, but I just can’t. My husband and I have had a very difficult time over the last year. We’ve had 2 losses. Two losses that up until now only a few family members and some close friends have known about.

I have always been very aware of miscarriage. I remember breaking down in tears one day when I was pregnant with our son after a friend had told me she had just miscarried. I hadn’t told her or really anybody that I was pregnant at that time and I literally broke down over our lunch together. She was nothing, but kind and sweet, knowing that I was crying not only for her loss but a fear of mine, and told me she was happy to see me carry out a healthy pregnancy despite the loss of hers. I was fortunate enough after that though to experience a good pregnancy with few worries and a have a healthy, happy little baby boy.

Our first loss occurred while my husband was away for army training. We tested early since he was leaving and were surprised to see a positive test. The pregnancy loss was so early on that although it was very hard, especially without my husband, I had guarded my heart and was able to get through it.

Derek: We found out we were expecting a day before I left for basic training. A few weeks later I received a letter that something had happened. I was devastated for the loss, but also that I wasn’t there to support my family. It definitely had me questioning whether or not the decision to join the military was worth it, but it also gave me an even deeper respect for what our military, and their families, face.

Kristy: After a few months my husband got back and jokes were being made about our reunion creating baby #2. This was funny and painful all at the same time. After a few months of him being back we were pregnant again. We tried to stay “cautiously optimistic.” At 9 weeks the time rolled around for our first ultrasound. I’d had no cramping or bleeding but something in my gut told me something wasn’t right…but at the same time I’m a worrier who feels something isn’t right even when everything is pretty much perfect, so I tried to remind myself of this and be hopeful.

As my husband and I went for the ultrasound the tech said nothing.  I didn’t ask “Is everything ok?” I simply asked “Is something wrong?” she responded that she couldn’t share any results. After the ultrasound was over they told us we’d need to go upstairs to talk to the nurse because my doctor was out of the office. I was crying before even officially knowing anything. I felt it. We were told there was no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing about 2 1/2 weeks before then. I’d lost the baby over 2 weeks ago and had no physical signs. I was heartbroken, I’m still heartbroken.

My reason for sharing this isn’t to knock on baby announcements. I really think they are great (so cute and so fun), but I honestly felt like if we were going to share our news any way in a public manner, that this was the way to do it. So many parents experience loss and we don’t even realize it. It’s important to be mindful of this when talking to other women and families.

I’m hopeful that our family will have a new addition come early 2016, but I’m also very aware that we could experience another loss. I don’t want to come off as not excited because trust me, I want a healthy, happy little baby so much…but the more open I leave my heart, the bigger chance of heartbreak again. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Lastly, I want to thank all of the friends and family who were there for us during these difficult times, those that answered crying phone calls, helped out with our son so we could have time to cope and mourn and gave me a shoulder to cry on. Thanks for those of you who were not told about this, but are understanding that sometimes things are just too difficult to share. I know that no matter what the future holds our family will pull together and get through it. My husband and I have been blessed with a happy, healthy boy and that is more than some families are fortunate to have and we won’t ever take that for granted.

Derek: My big take away from all these experiences is just how much of a miracle life really is and that you never really know the struggles people may be facing. Like a duck they may look calm and collected on the surface, but the part you can’t see is fighting, like hell, to stay afloat.


Dr. Seuss


The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost


  1. Emily

    Oh Kristi. I’m so sorry. I would have given you a hug today. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing a piece of your heart.

    • kristy

      Thank you Emily! Today was a rough day as it was the due date for our baby that we lost back the first of the year. Such a blessing to have another little on the way but still a difficult day. Very challenging to put it out there but during the difficult times so many moms opened up to me about their losses and it really helped my healing.

  2. Kathryn

    Bobo Family, just want you to know how brave you are for sharing your story. Please know that we share in your grief and joy! We too have been on both sides.

  3. Kristy & Derek, I’m so proud of you for for being brave enough to share your heart on this. All of your babies deserve to know and feel your love, whether it’s on this side of Heaven or the other, and claiming them publicly is HUGE. <3 I love you guys!!

    • kristy

      Thank you for your kind words and of course all the support you given us along the way!

  4. Terra

    You inspire me more and more everyday. :) I want to be like you when I grow up.

    • kristy

      So sweet! Not so sure about all of that but thank you for the sweet words!

  5. Valerie Nicol

    Kristy & Derek,

    It was very brave of both of you to share. Experiencing a loss of a child at any point is hard. You never forgot the day you find out that precious baby is gone. I wish you all the best.

  6. Jessica

    Love that your able to share your story. There are so many people that go through these struggles. Hoping your 2016 will be full of hugs and kisses!!!

    • kristy

      2015 was off to a very rough start. We’ve worked hard and had hope to turn it around but also hoping for exactly that in 2016!

  7. Brooke Akin

    Kristy, First of all, I am so excited about this precious little gift of life growing inside of you! What a gift from God! Second of all, thank you for being so real and transparent. I know that miscarriage (and infertility) are both very difficult to talk about (since we have experienced both), but I love your honesty and believe that God has a perfect plan for your growing family!

    • kristy

      Thank you so much for the kind words Brooke! I’m so excited about your little one too!

  8. Holly

    I have been in your exact shoes and it truly is devastating. The fear when you get pregnant again is incredibly frustrating when all you want to feel is joy. I am so sorry you had to go through two losses but very happy you are pregnant again. eventually the joy does win out and it is the best feeling when it is the only emotion you feel ????

    • kristy

      Thank you so much Holly, I can’t think of a better way to put it. Good to know, and though moving in the right direction I’m still not entirely there, but looking forward to that day!

  9. Holly

    And the multiple question marks are supposed to be a smiley face

  10. Hayley Greiner

    Kristy, congrats! I am so happy for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story. Although it is tough to talk about personal loss, it’s helps so many that are hurting inside and not ready to speak. My sister struggled from post secondary infertility and sharing her story was part of her healing process. I look forward to reading future posts about your growing family!!

    • kristy

      Thank you Hayley. Yes it is and I agree, so many moms helped me through it with sharing their stories and being completely open and also just being there for support.

  11. Sharron

    God Bless You ! I had a miscarriage after an auto accident in the 70’s & I always wonder what he or she would of been like today. We shared the heartache with our son & daughter in law 4 times. They’ve since been blessed with a little boy 4, & girl 2. We never know what’s in Gods plan . Wishing you the best. & your so cute with a baby bump.

  12. shana

    What a great blog. I am so sorry that you’ve experienced loss. I too know what its like. I have never been big on huge announcements either. Before my kiddos, I lost twins. That kinda made me numb. Its not something I’ve ever even aloud most of my friends know. I just didn’t wanna answer questions or want anyone to feel sorry for me. I believe that everything happens for a reason. And I hope everything goes wellv with your pregnancy. :-) Best of wishes. ♡

    • kristy

      I’m so sorry Shana. I know new blessings don’t take away the pain but glad you had successful pregnancies following your losses. Thank you!

  13. shana

    I forgot to add that the twins I lost were in my tubes. So when I had to have surgery the doctor specifically stated that my chance of having another ectopic pregnancy was 90%. So each time I found out that I was pregnant with my babies, I tried to refrain from getting excited. I had felt like a failure. But thankfully I never had anymore issues with my tubes. I’m thinking of you.

    • kristy

      I’m so sorry! I had a friend who went through that as well. I can’t even being to imagine your stress but glad you were blessed!

  14. Darlene Wasmer

    Kristy & Derek;
    I am so sorry to hear about your loss! But happy to hear you are going to try again! You two are an amazing couple with a beautiful son! I will be keeping you in my prayers! If you ever need anything I can help with, please let me know! I have lots of free time, and would love to be there for you!

    • kristy

      Thank you Darlene! We are excited for our little baby boy due January! Thank you so much!

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